How do I have sex for the first time with my husband on our wedding night?

There s an almost endless list of things that could affect the answer to this question For e ample you don t say anything about what country you re from what your cultural and religious beliefs are about marriage how long you ve known your fiancé how well you know him how old you are how old he is whether you ve been intimate at all with him or anyone else from a kiss to near se whether he s e perienced or not and so on Even physical things can matter like height weight what kind of shape you re both in and whether either of you have any handicaps For all those reasons any answers we give you here might not be appropriate However I just wrote a fairly complete guide to the wedding night for a friend of mine who lives where she can t ask questions like this locally so I will share my response with you here Warning It s long and NSFW First assuming you are a virgin how do you minimize the chance of pain and bleeding and make your first time as enjoyable as possible I wrote this for my nieces when they were old enough to be interested and recently e panded it a bit and put it on the web Aunt Shakti s Action Plan for Proactive Modern Virgins Second what is the wedding night actually like And the answer to that is that that depends on the two of you and your cultural e pectations However here s one way it might go Getting ready You will probably want to undress in different rooms Maybe your husband stays in the bedroom and you change into your nightie in the bathroom Take the opportunity to use the toilet and to freshen up Brides get nervous and nervous sweat isn t good so wash your armpits and your crotch Put a tiny bit of perfume behind your ears in your navel and behind your knees Rub some lube on your clit and vulva and put some inside the entrance to your vagina Put on your nightie optional and your robe Braid your hair or brush it out Image source The Pajama Shoppe When you come out your husband will probably have a robe on too Go to him let him hug and kiss you Rub your hands up and down his back If he is willing to prolong this great Rub your body against him as you kiss Pretty soon you should feel his erection against your belly He will probably step back at this point and undo and remove your robe and his and then return for more hugs and kisses Usually he then signals or turns toward the bed One of you should turn down the bedclothes and get in then the other gets in and lies so you are side by side facing each other Tip if he is right handed try to maneuver so you end up lying ne t to his left hand or vice versa You want his good hand to be on top when you are lying on your sides facing each other Tip if it s a small bed try to arrange your position so you are mostly centered on it and he is lying on his side in the narrow space to your right if he s right handed If you end up on top you ll have to rearrange this but if he ends up on top you want to be in the middle for balance Warming each other up in bed As you kiss facing each other he will probably use his free hand to rub your back butt breasts and thighs and then start to e plore your belly and groin area That s your signal to roll so you are lying on your back and to open your legs a bit wider so his hand has access to your vulva Encourage him to rub and stroke A little shiver of surprise when he first touches the vulva followed by a tiny ah or mmm when he actually rubs it is a good way to do that If he needs guidance put your hand on his and help him adjust the position and pressure If you re really lucky oral se is not taboo in your culture and either he has had e perience with women or he has gotten good advice from a friend or relative If so he may slide backward toward the foot of the bed so his chest is between your legs and his face is even with your vulva If he does this open your legs wider spreading your knees far apart to give him access so he can lick and suck your clit Image source sweetecstacy com A sharp inhale or gasp when his tongue first touches your clit is always a good idea followed a little later by some appreciative mmmms and oh s when he does something that feels particularly good It s also a good idea to stroke his head and twine your fingers in his hair If you do this with both hands you can gently guide him toward the right places and the right amount of pressure and away from anything that is too hard or rough If he does this and he s got the patience to bring you all the way to an orgasm well he deserves some kind of prize for being in the top 1 of all bridegrooms But whether he goes that far or just gets you warmed up and close to an orgasm or completely skips the warmup the ne t phase is likely to be vaginal se Note if he s planning to use a condom he needs to put it on at this point If he is willing to let you be on top for this you should do so See the guide above and this post for information Shakti Amarantha s answer to How do you support yourself as a woman when you are on top during se o you move up and down or do you rock back and forth Are you sitting completely upright Otherwise it is likely that he will prefer the missionary man on top position He will probably slide or roll on top of you either lying on you or kneeling between your legs like this Image source sweetecstacy com The main event He will then use his hand to guide his penis into your vagina If he s not quite sure where it is this may involve a lot of fumbling and shifts in position You can help by pulling your knees up and out to the sides to make more room Once he does get the tip in the entrance he SHOUL insert it the rest of the way very gradually but he will probably just thrust hard instead in which case you ll probably feel a brief sharp pain The position you end up in looks something like this Image source Wikipedia or this if he prefers more of a kneeling position and can get his knees that far apart Image source sweetecstacy com In this position he thrusts his penis in and out by fle ing his hips and lower back so it s a good position for sustained se with a lot of intimacy You can control the angle of the penis in your vagina which affects how much sensation it gives you by moving your knees up or down more toward your shoulders or more toward the foot of the bed Some women like to grab their thighs and pull their knees all the way up against their chests or biceps raising their hips up off the mattress This is a good position for getting pregnant if you stay that way after he ejaculates because it reduces the sperm leaking out It is also a good position for a man with a smaller penis because it allows deeper penetration The opposite position is where you straighten your legs more slide your feet further down and arch your back This tilts the pelvis the other way and creates more friction for your vulva but it reduces the penetration depth so it is better for a man with a longer penis When he comes But first times are usually very quick so you probably won t get a chance to e periment with positions for your legs until later For the same reason don t e pect much in the way of pleasure from the actual vaginal se the first time Most men who are virgins are so overwhelmed by the sensations that they ejaculate very rapidly In fact it s not uncommon for a bridegroom to actually ejaculate as soon as his penis touches your vulva before he gets it in at all If that happens don t worry just mop up any mess remind him that there s no hurry and then cuddle with him and talk about what an amazing crazy day it has been or how strange all this is or whatever you want until he gets his second erection and you can restart the program where you left off If he seems uncertain or upset take his face in your hands kiss him and say I can t believe how lucky I am to have you for my husband That will usually resolve all of a man s insecurities He may want to have se several more times that night or you may be too sore or you both may be too tired in which case you should wait for another day to do it again I hear a lot of couples saying they were so e hausted from the wedding that they just kissed cuddled and went to sleep the first night so they could save their first time for the ne t day when they were rested and ready What if it s not like this There are so many ways things could be different from what I just described that I couldn t possibly list them all If your fiancé has something radically different in mind ask him to e plain what he wants and discuss it with him if you don t understand or don t want to do it Other than that do what all newlyweds do fumble around and improvise And if things go wrong be patient be ready to laugh with him about how silly the whole situation is but never at him and reassure him that there s plenty of time you ve got a lifetime to get it all figured out Babies and birth control Have you two talked about kids and pregnancy o you both want a child right away It s great if you do but it s not great if you would both rather wait but you never find that out because you re both too shy to bring the subject up I personally favor waiting a year or more I think any couple needs at least that much time to really get to know each other and to really fall in love in a deep way before the intrusion of pregnancy and babies makes this much harder or impossible However I don t live in a culture where there s pressure on women here to have kids right away If you would rather wait go to a doctor and get a prescription for birth control pills and start using them well before the wedding If you don t have time for that he should use condoms until you ve been on the pill for a month Lube and birth control If you decide to use condoms you should also get or ask him to get a good non oil lube to use with them This one is water based which means it dries out faster and needs to be renewed more often but it won t get sheets and clothes oily Water based Silky Safe Longlasting Personal Lubricant GEL by Slippery Stuff 8oz This one is silicone based is more slippery and lasts longer so it might be a better choice for a wedding night PREMIUM Silicone Based Lubricant 8 oz Health Personal Care I ve never used either of those brands All I know is that they got good reviews on Amazon But there are hundreds of alternatives you can buy Just be sure whatever brand you buy says Safe for use with condoms If you re already on the pill or you want to get pregnant as soon as possible of course you won t be using condoms and you can use any pure vegetable oil as a lube instead I like almond walnut and coconut oil for their smoothness flavor and faint aroma but any good vegetable oil will do Just don t use oil and condoms together Okay this is probably T M I but I hope it helps Whether it does or not congratulations on your upcoming wedding Have a wonderful first time and a great marriage Updated 14 Sep 2 14 View Upvotes More Answers Below Related Questions Weddings What would a Rumba First ance look like What should I gift my husband on our wedding day Indian Marriage Will the first night of se of a couple happen on their wedding day night or the on the reception day night I m a newly wed How can I be a good wife to my husband What is the romantic story of your first wedding night Salil Jha I second Shakti Amarantha s beautifully written answer to this innocent question That said the only thing I would add is red candles and reading of erotic poems possibly with illustrations to arouse the passion and to understand and appreciate the love making between the two lovers Poetry is a great way to e press and understand sensuality Poems will also put your mind at ease