My Life as a Mail Order Bride

The Night I Met My Husband In The Port City Of Odessa Ukraine In Late 2 I Stood Against The Wall In A Restaurant At The Black Sea Hotel Along With 2 Other Young Women They Were Decked Out In Their Fanciest Dresses Their Faces Caked With Makeup Ressed Conservatively In My Dark Gray Pantsuit I Felt Invisible In The Sea Of Ball Gowns The Two Dozen Men Seated Before Us All From America Mostly In Their 5 S Or 6 S Had Come To Find Wives My Best Friend Had Begged Me To Come And We D Ridden For 12 Hours On A Train From Our Small Town On The Crimean Coast I Thought It Would Be An Adventure If Nothing Else Sure Maybe Some Small Part Of Me Entertained The Idea Of Meeting Someone Interesting But It Didn T Seem Very Realistic While The Women Met With Their Eager Suitors I Leafed Through A Russian Language Brochure About The Marriage Broker Hosting The Event The Atlanta Based Company European Connections E Plained That After Decades Of Feminism American Women Had Become Undesirable Partners For Marriage Uninterested In Having Children Russian Women It Said Are More Feminine With Old Fashioned Family Values I Knew Nothing About America E Cept For What I D Seen On Tv Like Old Dubbed Episodes Of Beverly Hills 9 21 It Seemed Plausible Enough When I Noticed A Short Stocky Man Grinning At Me I Thought Oh No And Quickly Turned Away But His Interpreter Was Already Walking Toward Me How Old Are You She Asked I Said I Was 25 Would You Like To Talk To My Client She Asked I Shook My Head No What Do You Have To Lose She Prodded His Name Was Carl I Learned And He Had A Full Head Of Black Hair Which Made Him Look Younger Than The Other Men Who Were Fat And Bald I Sat At His Table And He Asked Me Questions From A Prepared List Speaking To Me Through The Translator I Could Understand Some English From What I D Learned In School But Didn T Speak It Very Well Myself O You Have Kids He Asked Yes A 2 Year Old Son O You Like Dogs Sure O You Believe In Prenuptial Agreements Yes I Learned That He Was A 5 Year Old Filipino Born Emergency Room Doctor Now Living In Cape Coral Florida I Felt No Immediate Attraction To Him But When He Asked If I D Like To Give My Son A Father A Life In America And A College Education I Had To Seriously Think About That I Was A Single Mother Working At A Local Post Office And Living In A Tiny Apartment With No Hot Water Or Heat And Sometimes No Electricity Ukraine Is A Relatively Poor Country And The Infrastructure Was Never Fully Developed Outside Of Major Cities During The Soviet Years I D Become Pregnant At 22 By My Boyfriend Who Had Then Disappeared And Here Was An Educated Man From America Promising My Child The World In Return He Wanted A Family I Thought Maybe I Owe It To My Son Imitri To Try When Carl Asked Me To Have Breakfast With Him In The Morning I Accepted For The Ne T Week He Treated Me To Lavish Dinners Booked Me A Private Room In His Elegant Hotel And Bought Me A Proper Black Dress To Wear To My First Opera Carmen He Was An Absolute Gentleman He Never Touched Or Tried To Kiss Me It Was A Wonderful Fairy Tale Of A Week And I Was Taken By How Respectful He Was A Translator Came Along On Our Dates And On Our Last Day Together Carl Asked Me To Come To America I Would Get A Three Month Fiancée Visa He Said And Then We Would Marry The Visa Arrangement Was Legal I Learned Since Carl Had Met Me In Person A Man Can T Just Pick A Photo Of A Woman And Get Her A Visa I Thought About My Son And The New Future He Could Have I Didn T E Pect To Fall Madly In Love With Carl But He Seemed Like A Kind Man In Ukraine Women Don T Necessarily E Pect To Marry The Man Of Their Dreams It S A Hard Life And Marriage Is Often More About Security And Stability Than Love I Confided In My Mom Who Worked As A Post Office Manager And My Dad An Instructor At A Driving School And They Agreed The Opportunities For My Son Were Too Good To Pass Up Oksana Makarova Over The Ne T 1 Months I Took English Lessons And E Mailed With Carl About The Plan For My Trip To The States In The Fall Of 2 1 Feeling Both Nervous And E Cited About My New Life I Arrived In Florida Cape Coral Seemed Like Paradise The Sun The Palms The Orange And Lemon Trees As We Turned Into The Driveway At Carl S House It Looked Like A Palace To Me A Four Bedroom Mediterranean Style Home With A Sunroom That Was Bigger Than My Entire Apartment Carl However Did Not Complete The Pretty Picture In The Way I D Hoped The Polite Generous Man I D Met In My Homeland Seemed More Distant Here The First Thing He Did Was To Introduce Me To A Cousin An Older Woman Who Showed Me How To Cook And Clean The Way Carl Liked Ne T Carl Made It Clear That He Wanted To Start Working On A Family Immediately Indeed The First Time We Had Se It Felt Perfunctory And Calculated Devoid Of Any Passion Yes I Felt Disappointed But I Decided To Look At The Act As Just Another Chore That Would Be Required Of Me In My New Role Soon After Carl Brought Home An Ovulation Test Kit So He Could Start Charting My Cycle And Focus On Getting Me Pregnant At One Point Carl Even Tried To Make Imitri Look More Like A Son Of His Own By Dyeing Imitri S Blond Hair Black Shocked I Shaved My Son S Head Carl Just Laughed Carl S Behavior Became Controlling In Other Ways Too He Said It Was Too E Pensive For Me To Call My Family So He Gave Me One 1 Minute Calling Card Per Month When I Wanted To Send An E Mail He D Privately Enter His Computer Password Then Press Send For Me And Log Off Needless To Say I Was Having Doubts About This Arrangement Still I Was Willing To Sacrifice For My Son Who Loved His Fancy Rambling New House Full Of New Corners To Discover By The Third Month I Was Pregnant Carl And I Got Married In A Courthouse In The Fall Of 2 1 He Said He Would File For Green Cards For Imitri And Me I Thought Carl Might Be Happier With A Child Of His Own On The Way But As The Weeks Wore On He Grew Increasingly Possessive I Had No Driver S License Or Even A Key To The Front Door When I Asked For A Key Carl Said I Had Nowhere To Go He Had A Point I Had No Money No Friends And No Idea How To Navigate This Foreign Country He Would Say Oksana I Thought You D Be Obedient This Is The Impression You Gave Me In Ukraine I Felt Like A Child And Quickly Became Withdrawn Mostly Staying Indoors Taking Care Of The House Carl Grew Increasingly Domineering Toward My Son Too One Time When Imitri Ripped The Wallpaper In His Bedroom Carl Grabbed Him And Spanked Him So Hard There Were Full Red Handprints On His Backside After That I Told Carl I Wanted To Leave But Carl Begged Imitri And Me For Forgiveness Saying He Hadn T Had Any E Perience With Children And He Refused To Pay For My Ticket Home Not Long After We Moved To The Town Of London Kentucky Where Carl Had Taken A New Job In A Hospital It Will Be A Fresh Start For Us He Said But His Usual Behavior Soon Resumed Saying He Was Concerned About The Water Bill He Insisted That Imitri Flush The Toilet Only Once A Day So My Son Had To Pee In An Empty Milk Jug All Day And Flush It Down At Night Carl Also Began Hitting My Son Again And Dyeing His Hair Black When I Threatened To Leave And Sleep On The Streets If I Had To Carl Had A New Threat In Return He Told Me That He Had Not In Fact Filed Paperwork For Imitri S Green Card He Would Deport My Son He Said But Keep Me Here My Own Green Card Was Still In The Works As I Awaited An Interview With Immigration Officials I Felt Trapped I Didn T Know Where To Turn In Ukraine There Were No Shelters Or Social Services For Women And The Police Were Corrupt Our Son Giovanni Was Born On Independence Ay July 4 2 2 Thankfully He Was A Healthy Baby Boy Even Though Carl Hadn T Taken Me To A Doctor For Prenatal Care Until Seven Months Into My Pregnancy In Those First Few Days With My Newborn Son I Would Look At Him And Try To Imagine That His Father Was Someone I Loved Staring Out The Kitchen Window At The Golfers On The Lush Green Course I Dreamed Of Escape Carl Meanwhile Wanted To Start Working On More Babies As Soon As Possible So I Lied About My Menstruation Days To Throw Off His Charts Just When I Felt On The Verge Of An Emotional Breakdown Something Happened That Would Change Everything I Was At The Local Walmart One Night With Carl And The Kids Who Were Then 9 Months And 4 Years Old When Imitri Got Lost In The Store When We Found Him Carl Twisted Imitri S Ear So Hard That My Son Let Out A Terrified Shriek A Shocked Bystander Called The Police Who Arrived With A Social Worker She Talked To Us In The Store Then Came To Our House The Ne T Day With Carl Away At Work I Told Her My Story On The Morning Of May 5 2 3 Nearly Two Years After I D Come To America I Packed A Few Things Per The Social Worker And Called Her While Carl Was At Work A Policeman Drove The Kids And Me To A Shelter Carl Filed For Divorce The Ne T Day The Shelter Connected Me With Pro Bono Lawyers From A Domestic Violence Association They Would Help Me Obtain Child Support Finalize My Green Card And Fight For Custody Of Giovanni After Three Months In The Shelter The Kids And I Moved Into Low Income Housing And I Saved Everything I Could From Child Support To Buy A Used Car Eventually I Got A Job At A Pizza Hut And Began Attending Community College To Train As A Dental Lab Technician Uring This Time My Mom Came From Ukraine To Help With The Children In November 2 4 I Was Awarded Custody But For The Ne T Si Years Carl Dragged Me Back To Court On Technicalities And Appeals Today I Live And Work In Louisville Kentucky And Am In A Relationship With A Wonderful Man I Met At A Friend S Thanksgiving Dinner Imitri And I Are U S Citizens I Bring Giovanni To Visit His Father Every Week But Carl And I Do Not Speak He Is Allowed To File For A Custody Review Every Two Years So I M E Pecting A New Court Summons Any Day Still I No Longer Fear That My Children Will Be Taken From Me And We Have A Good Life Would I Do It All Over Again No But I Don T Look At Life In Terms Of What I Should Have Done Differently I Hope That By Telling My Story I Can Help Another Woman Like Me Perhaps The Most Important Thing I Ve Learned Is That There Are Options For Women In America You Don T Need To Stay In An Abusive Situation You Can Get Help